It's a Process, Aight?
Little Brother
Heartbreak in Lee County
Aug 19th
In Barnerland, Barrett Trotter was named the starting quarterback over Clint Moseley. Apparently, Clint is a little heartbroken about the decision:
HEY KIDS! IT’S AUBURN MAN!
Aug 24th
We’ve noticed that there has been a term that has been increasingly more prevalent amidst your typical Auburn propaganda lately…a term that is not new, but that has been been given new life and meaning since the Gene Chizik hire.
That term…is Auburn Man.
What is an Auburn Man? Our crack team of Boogologists has been studying the term all week, and the best we can come up with is that it is a idealized image of a person who is so committed to Auburn University that they deserve praise and acclaim…even if they have no accomplishments, skills, or talents to justify that reception.
You know…like Gene Chizik.
But we will give the Auburn folks this much…they are very good at marketing (just look at the billboards below. Knowing that “Auburn Man” would be a hit all across the Boogosphere, they quickly did what any self-respecting capitalist would do…they turned that idea into an action figure! Get your Auburn Man now…they’ll be flying off the shelves (until about the middle of October).
(Click to Enlarge)
Alternative Auburn Billboards
Aug 23rd
Let’s face it, when you’re going head to head with Nick Saban, you’ve got three choices: do business as usual and end up as a full time duck hunter, try to get creative, or totally capitulate. Of course, the latter is the superior option, but it seems that Auburn has chosen to go the creative route. The team that just one year ago boasted a six game winning streak against their in-state rival is now more well known for such hits as, “The Limo”, “The Big Cat Weekend”, and “That Stars and Stripes Thing That Curtis Luper Said Would Be Huge But Wasn’t That Great, Actually.”
Now, anyone in an Alabama metro area has probably been subjected to their latest bright idea…the billboards. The first one I saw was respectfully wedged between a Little Caesar’s Hot n’ Ready ad and a board for a local cheap motel’s free continental breakfast. Seeing this series of signs didn’t make me want to go to Auburn, but the thought of waking up to an assortment of pastries and danishes did sound appetizing.
However, one billboard does not an ad campaign make. You’ve got to have some alternatives. I mean, Geico wouldn’t only give the gecko one line to say over and over, right? Here are some suggestions for the next billboard on Gene’s path to world domination:





Craig Sanders Introduces Auburn to “Big Time Recruiting” (UPDATED)
May 20th
It was said by some (cough, cough) that upon the hiring of Gene Chizik (COUGH, COUGH) and Trooper Taylor (COUGH, WHEEZE, COUGH, HACK, COUGH) that Auburn was about to enter the world of “Big Time Recruiting.”
Despite the fact that I know of no school who has finished in the Rivals Top 5 anytime in the last few years that used recruiting strategies such as riding around one state in a bad promnight ride wearing equally bad bowling shirts during almost an entire evaluation period, you had to give them credit for their ingenuity. Wait…ingenuity isn’t the word I was really going for…oh, yes…their lack of shame. You have to give them credit for their lack of shame.
One of the first stops on the “prowl” was at tiny Ariton High School, where the Auburn staff and their ridiculous shirts (one of which Chizik saw fit to wear to Ross Bridge…Coach, please stop by the clubhouse and take a look around to get a clue about proper golf attire…you’re not in Ames, anymore) tried to work that SuperLuperTrooper magic on 4 Star DE Craig Sanders.
Well…he commited to Alabama tonight.
Auburn fan reactions: “We didn’t want him anyway. Our coaches just happened to be on their way to visit the Boll Weevil monument, and they thought he’d feel bad if they didn’t at least stop by.”
All I can say is, “I’m glad you guys enjoyed the monument.” Who said you can’t chest-bump a statue?

UPDATE (11:50 PM, May 19, 2009): We have just received information that the boll weevil has committed to Auburn. Congrats to the Tigers on their big time pickup.
Countering “The Limo”
May 2nd
As you have now heard ad nauseum from the Auburn fans that cut your grass, wash your car, artificially inseminate your AKC registered Yorkshire Terrier, and sell you peaches from the back of their truck, Chizik’s got a limo. Well, actually Chizik doesn’t have a limo. Some rental company has limo(s), and every day Chizik and crew don matching bowling shirts, rent said limo, visit high schools, and generally bask in a great sense of accomplishment.
Of course, when all this foolishness is over, Auburn fans still have to reconcile themselves with facts like…say…your head coach is still Gene Chizik.
And then there’s that other fact about Alabama’s coach still being…yeah, that guy.
Face it, Tide fans. Nick Saban isn’t going to pull a stunt like loading up his entire coaching staff in one car and visiting one school at a time while his closest opponent’s staff is hitting multiple states at once. But if he were to decide to need to impress 17 year olds via his vehicle (other than, say, sending ridiculous numbers of players to the NFL), you can bet that he wouldn’t do doing it with a rental. He also wouldn’t be doing it with a car that’s most obvious emotional ploy to the recruits is to remind theme of their junior prom. No, Saban would do it with style. With pizazz. With full utilization of his fabulous wealth and universally accepted dominance over the majority of now-living homo sapiens. After picking a name for his…uhm…what sounds as stupid as “Tiger Prowl”…his elephant walk? Wait….that’s no good…his “Nick Saban’s Incredible Ethereal Recruitingfestacular”, we think he might consider the following vehicle choices:
An Original DeLorean

You think that original Lincoln Towncar limo is old school? Well, peep this, you circa 1997 radical dudes. The DeLorean is outfitted with extra-high opening doors to accommodate recruits in the nature of DJ Fluker, custom hideaway front tag area decoration (that can open to say, “Aight”, “Move or Be Processed”, “The SelfGratifier”, or the above shown, “Swagga”), and state of the art GPS navagation system to track Operation Red Dog operatives who might be on his trail. Oh, and of course it has a flux capacitor fueled solely by Saban’s rage.
Saturn V Rocket

What else says, “We want you,” to a recruit like spending $500,000 in rocket fuel to fly from Tuscaloosa to Reform, Alabama? Nothing, that’s what. When not being used for recruiting purposes, this can also be used to fly Alabama quarterbacks to dangerous hunting trips to Argentina. Have you heard the rumors about Alabama acquiring the Bryce Hospital grounds to build more dorms? Not dorms, my friends. Launch pads.
Rocket Car

Some other SEC coaches have actually toyed with this idea, but Saban’s the only one small enough to actually fit in it.
Bullet Train

Now this is really “old school meets new school”. It can top out at speeds of 150 MPH, runs on a standard gauge rail, and has a club car filled with stadium dogs and BBQ nachos. The current plan is to lay track that runs directly in front of every SEC-caliber athlete producing high school in the southeast, although if this isn’t feasible this beauty may be retrofitted as a hovercraft. That might actually work out better, as then Coach could take it out on the lake for his 15 minutes he schedules every Sunday morning at 4 A.M. for “me time.”
The Millennium Falcon

Yeah, that’s right, the Millennium Falcon. It’s not real? Oh, really? Well, it wasn’t, before Saban built one from scratch in his own garage. We’re not exactly sure where he got a hyperdrive, and honestly, we’re sorta afraid to ask. It is yet to be confirmed if the Wookie he’s planning on taking on recruting trips is going to count as another coach by the NCAA.
10 Things We Love About A-Day: #1 – We Do It Better Than Anyone Else
Apr 18th
Ok, so Nebraska did it bigger…once…but I said we do it better, not bigger.
Actually, anyone who’s actually been to A-Day knows that we do it bigger and better. Nowhere in the country is the spring open scrimmage a better reflection on an actual gameday environment than at Alabama. From the thousands in the stands, to the tailgating on the Quad, to the cheesy t-shirts for sale near The Corner, A-Day has everything but the bad guy.



