It's a Process, Aight?
The Process
Saban’s Next Stop
Apr 21st
As you have no doubt been informed by friends who are fans of (insert any school other than Alabama here), Nick Saban’s tenure in Alabama will be short. Even though that he has made exactly one lateral/”backwards” move in his life (from Miami back to college football) which he has thoroughly explained (he missed college football terribly and was pretty much miserable as a pro coach), he’s obviously just itching to make another move. Thousands of rival fans can’t be wrong.
If he doesn’t leave on his own, we will no doubt fire him, as several national media personalities predicted. A quick scan of any Alabama fan forum will reveal that, as a whole, we are getting sick and tired of this outsider already and yearn for another “Alabama man” like Mike DuBose or Mike Shula…just savvy and in-touch talking heads such as Dan Le Batard predicted.
Not this Alabama Man.
So, when the Ramblin’ Man packs up and leaves Title Town, where is he headed? Our spies in and around the Alabama athletic complex have sifted through trash bags, eavesdropped on private conversations, and bribed numerous sanitation engineers to formulate this probable list of Saban’s possible destinations:
- Louisiana State University: This has been Saban’s most likely next-move since he was first introduced to the fans at an Alabama/LSU basketball game (of all places!). The clues were immediately evident. Examine the photo below. First of all, Saban is clearly making a backwards “L” with his left hand. Although few Alabamians picked up on this subtle hint, our team of crack Swamp Scholars inform us that this is a Creole distress symbol meaning, “Get me back to Louisiana.” Compare the Saban picture to the similar portrait of New Orleans native and noted house haunter Pierre Gustave Toutant Beauregard. Although his right hand is out of the frame, there is an excellent chance that he maybe is doing the L thing with his hand. Possibly. At least you can’t prove that he’s NOT doing the L thing with his hand.
- The Dallas Cowboys: When rumors swirled that current Dallas babysitter Wade Phillips might get the boot after another disappointing season, message boards filled with hopeful scenarios where Saban would apparently forget the whole, “I didn’t like the NFL,” thing and go back to the NFL. Of course, anyone who wants to work for Jerry Jones has to be fairly subservient and docile, and if there’s any two words that describes Nick Saban perfectly, those words are subservient and docile. If Saban bolts for Dallas, look for him to bring former protege Will Muschamp along as defensive coordinator/Auburn coach in waiting.
- The Oakland Raiders: This actually isn’t likely at all, but I did want to make you look at this picture:
- Notre Dame: Alabama fans breathed a collective sigh of relief when it was announced that Notre Dame would continue to stand behind noted miserable failure Charlie Weis for yet another depressing season. There’s no doubt that their worst fears could be realized if that position ever opened, as Notre Dame has multiple advantages over an Alabama job that is of obvious questionable quality. Most of all, the move would get master recruiter Saban out of the talent-barren Southeast and into the bosom of football greatness…Indiana. With Alabama moving again to make Bryant-Denny Stadium into a yet bigger garish monstrosity, the average attendance at an Alabama game may soon reach the 100,000 fan mark. The notoriously shy Saban would no doubt appreciate the more intimate feel of Notre Dame Stadium (which houses just over 80,000 half frozen Golden Domers).
- Duke University: Hey…it worked for Wallace Wade.
Furthermore, the look at the shirt Saban is wearing. It’s kinda purple. Yes, I know we’re talking about a guy who just owns that one grey suit and who routinely wears circa 1987 sweaters to press conferences…but it’s still kinda purple. Now, LSU fans are probably saying about now, “Why would we want Nick Saban? We’ve got Les Freakin Miles!” But you Bayou Bengals can’t tell me that you wouldn’t welcome Coach Saban back as a defensive backs coach after he predictably tanks the upcoming season as rich vein of Shula-recruited talent continues to dry up.
Former Raiders Coach Lane Kiffin smiles as he looks on his first real pirate.
A-Day Roundup
Apr 19th
- Bama Sports Report gives you all you need to know about the QB performances from Saturday.
- Ian from The Birmingham News was embedded with the team on A-Day, and although he didn’t get any snaps during the game, he did get some great behind the scenes pictures.
- Did you like those UA Promotional Ads during the ESPN telecast? We did, too. When did UA get so PR-competent? Along about January 2007, I’d say. Go over to RollBamaRoll and watch them again.
We’ll add to the list as we find juicy tidbits from other, previously unsearched, tubes of the internets.
Our A-Day Awards
Apr 19th
It’s just human nature: the farther a goal is set in the distance, the harder it is to get motivated. This being true, there is little wonder why the Alabama football team has developed the yearly tradition of spring football awards. You’re sweating like it’s football season, you’re working like it’s football season, you’re on the receiving end of emotional and mental abuse by a man half your size like it’s football season…but it’s not football season. Put up with all that, though, and you might get one of the coolest sounding awards you could ever receive. Sure, Cody might rather be conducting a personal chicken apocalypse at Popeye’s, but through his hard work and desire to dominate all life forms he ended up with the Lee Roy Jordan Headhunter Award.
By my hazy count, there were 16 spring awards given out today. But this is Alabama football, and there’s no such thing as overkill, so let’s hand out some more awards, shall we?
The Lane Bearden I Swear I Was A Real Football Player In High School Award: Heath Thomas
This award is given to the kicker/punter who could most effectively be mistaken for an offensive or defensive positional player. Named after Lane Bearden, who looked like (and hit like) a linebacker and who had the rightful claim to a fine high school career as a wide receiver, the award honors that special teamer who would be most likely to get up again if run over by a 225 lbs. fullback in the line of duty. Punter Heath Thomas easily takes this home: he is the same height as linebacker and Predator Jerrell Harris, and is listed at 213 lbs. to Harris’s 215.
Jerrell Harris in pre-game warmups
The David Cavan Handicapable Appendage Award: Kareem Jackson
Oh, how could we ever forget seeing pass after pass go towards former Tide tight end David Cavan, helplessly knowing that it’s hard to catch a football with a club on your hand that’s approximately the size and mass of a sledgehammer. All the wide receivers and tight ends appeared to have fully functional phalanges today, so the honor goes to defensive back Kareem Jackson. Jackson, who has proven this spring that the hand is a completely superfluous body part for a cornerback, was sporting a cast today that could only be described as an industrial strength whack-a-mole mallet.
The Mike Price A-Day Is A Fun Day Award: Terrence Cody
It’s all business with this Saban character…nothing like A-Day was with Mike Price on the day of his debut/swan-song. But it’s practice…practice…we’re talking about practice, so someone has to tickle the crowd’s collective funny bone at some point. Today, it was Terrence Cody, who claimed the award when he (against all laws of both physics and common sense) ran down a screen pass to Terry Grant, dropped him for a loss, and then proceeded to put on an exhibition that will be known forevermore as the “Cody Richter Scale Romp.”
The Wade/Thomas/Bryant/Stallings Most Valuable Coach Award: Nick Saban
In perpetuum.
The Julio Jones MVP (Most Valuable Phantom): D.J. Fluker
Every year, there is at one recruit who appears to be such a can’t miss that you overhear the A-Day fans imagining the effectiveness of a certain unit as if that player was already in place, and mentally handicapping it therefrom. Every crack in the #1 O-Line unit today drew comments and grumbles from the faithful that one of the players currently on the field would find themselves to be the weakest link when the 8’10″, 583 lbs. Foley Monster arrives on campus. Last year we had the same phenomenon, as the conventional wisdom was that every wide receiver on the field was fighting for the #2 slot. The fans were right in 08, bringing the fans’ total prediction percentage relative to true freshmen to a respectable 12.5%. Hey, 1 out of 8 ain’t bad.
Best Casual Comment That Is Actually Pretty Wise When You Think About It: Guy Sitting Behind Me
During pre-game warmups, the guy sitting behind me noted (quite rightly), “You know, we had more people here to watch a bunch of old players play flag football than UAB has at an actual conference game.” Indeed.
10 Things We Love About A-Day: #1 – We Do It Better Than Anyone Else
Apr 18th
(Click to View Full Sized Graphic)
Ok, so Nebraska did it bigger…once…but I said we do it better, not bigger.
Actually, anyone who’s actually been to A-Day knows that we do it bigger and better. Nowhere in the country is the spring open scrimmage a better reflection on an actual gameday environment than at Alabama. From the thousands in the stands, to the tailgating on the Quad, to the cheesy t-shirts for sale near The Corner, A-Day has everything but the bad guy.
10 Things We Love About A-Day: #4 – Saban’s Dress Code
Apr 18th
Nick Saban. Master recruiter. Brilliant defensive strategist. Supreme motivator. Tireless work ethic. Keen fashion sense.
One of these things is not like the other…….
Ok, be honest. We love the guy, but he wears these slacks:
You can imagine our surprise when he came out for his first A-Day in a coat and tie. At first, we wondered, “Since when did Senor Sansabelt decide he needed to dress up?” Not only was he in a coat, he was in a coat OTHER than the same grey suit he apparently wore to every formal outing from January ’07 until around Christmas of that year. But now, we understand that this was just his way of making the statement that even A-Day, thought to be superflous by some, is just another part of The Process.
10 Things We Love About A-Day: #10 – Saban Getting in the Way
Apr 17th
The Man has never been one to command his A-Day troops from a safe HQ in the press box, or even on the sideline. When it comes to this glorified practice Saban takes up a prominent position on the field, but behind the play. Football is a funny game, though…sometimes even if you don’t go to the play, the play will come to you. Of course he’s not going to turn around and run at the first sign of danger in front of 80,000+ people, and so we get scenes like you see above. We just hope that Saban doesn’t have a Kent State football flashback and start spearing our quarterbacks.
Stuff From Around the SEC
Apr 16th
Mississippi State is putting lipstick on the proverbial pig…
Am I still allowed to say that after the last election? Anyway, the Bulldogs have a new coach, and now they have new uniforms (Rivals has the picture here). I’m sure that’ll be a huge help.
Why would you allude to your rival on your own bumper?
Alabama Got a Commitment from a Rivals 100 Quarterback
Yeah, I didn’t make a separate post on it because you all know it already, and I’m here to make fun of things and create clever plays on words, not to report news. But it is great news. Read about it here.
Watch this, because it’s enjoyable.