Bryant Drive
It's a Process, Aight?
Meet the Starters: Wide Receiver – Darius Hanks
Jul 24th
NAME: Darius Hanks
RELATION TO TOM HANKS: Tenuous.
POSITION: Wide Receiver
HOMETOWN: Norcross, Georgia, which, like every other city in Georgia except Savannah, is Atlanta.
CLASS: We’re not even sure. He signed with Coach Perkins. Matt Jones thinks he’s been at Alabama a long time.
WHO HE FAVORS FOR QB: Whichever one will quit throwing him crossing routes, high, directly between both safeties.
GOAL FOR 2011: 34% more diving touchdowns for make glorious SportsCenter highlight.
Meet the Starters: Offensive Tackle – D.J. Fluker
Jul 24th
NAME: Destructo J. Fluker
POSITION: Half of center, guard, and tackle.
HOMETOWN: Foley, Alabama (soon to be renamed “Quintorrisdelphia”)
CLASS: Sophomore
HARDEST PART OF PRACTICE: Huddling 30-40 times that far away from lunch without eating Marquis Maze
HE TRIED TO EAT MARQUIS MAZE?: Not really. Too bony.
FUN FACT: One of his game worn cleats was donated to the United Kingdom and repurposed as the HMS Sasquatch, an Albion class aquatic assault vehicle
Meet the Starters: Tight End – Michael Williams
Jul 23rd
NAME: Michael Williams
POSITION: Glorified Tackle
HOMETOWN: Greater Gordo Metro
CLASS: Junior
HEIGHT: 3.25 Nick Sabans
PHILOSOPHY ON BALL SECURITY: Holding ball as far away from self as possible reduces chances it will become slippery on sweaty jersey
CHANCES HE’S ACQUIRE A NICKNAME AS GOOD AS COLIN PEEK’S: Slim to none.
Meet the Starters: Center – William Vlachos
Jul 23rd
Marvin Gentry/US Presswire
NAME: William Vlachos
POSITION: Center
HOMETOWN: The Tiny Kingdom
CLASS: Senior
VOWELS IN LAST NAME: Obviously insufficient.
WINGSPAN: Nearly 11 Inches.
FUN FACT: Only known player in the FBS that can trace his lineage to an actual hobbit.
KNOWN CASUALTIES: Brandon Spikes and Untold #4 Combos at Taco Casa
